My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
