It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
