I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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