i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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