new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
