I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
