I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
