you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
