I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
