If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
