Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
