So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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