This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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