Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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