Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
