Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
