what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
