i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
