I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
