Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
