i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
