I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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