I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
