oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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