My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
