sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
