Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
