I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
