HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
