ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
