It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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