i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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