So drunk, too bad you don't want this
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
