Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
