hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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