3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
