Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
