so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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