there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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