Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
