Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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