fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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