i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
