Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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