YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
