We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
