I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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