What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is the high leading the old right now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
