do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
