I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
