I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
