is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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