You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
