If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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