oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
