Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
